How to explain counselling to your child

Many parents worry about how to bring up counselling. Will my child think something is wrong with them? Will they feel in trouble? Will they refuse to go? These are very common worries, and in most cases children take it far more in their stride than we expect.

The most helpful thing you can do is keep it simple, honest and matter-of-fact.

Keep it simple and honest

Children cope better with the truth than with a vague explanation that leaves them guessing. You do not need to go into detail. A sentence or two is enough, and you can add more if they ask.

Try to name what you have noticed, without blame, and frame counselling as help rather than a fix for something broken.

Words you could use

For younger children, around 3 to 7:

“You know how we go to the doctor when our body feels sick? Nillufer is someone who helps with big feelings. She has a room full of toys, and you get to play there while she gets to know you.”

“Lots of kids have worries sometimes. Nillufer is a grown-up whose job is to help kids with their worries. You can play with whatever you like.”

For older children, around 8 to 12:

“I’ve noticed things have felt hard for you lately, especially at school. I’ve found someone who helps kids when things feel hard. You won’t be in trouble, and you don’t have to talk about anything you don’t want to.”

“A counsellor is someone you can talk to, or play and build things with, who isn’t Mum or Dad or your teacher. Lots of people see one. It’s a bit like having a coach for your feelings.”

Things that help

Choose a calm moment, not straight after an argument or a hard day.
Tell them in advance, a day or two before for younger children, a little longer for older ones. Too much notice can build up worry.
Say what will actually happen: who they will meet, that there are toys and games, how long it lasts, and that you will be waiting nearby.
Let them know you can come in too for the first few sessions, if that would help them feel safe.
Reassure them they are not in trouble. Children often assume they are.
Answer questions honestly, and it is fine to say “I’m not sure, we can ask Nillufer.”

Things to avoid

Using counselling as a threat or a consequence (“If you keep doing that, you’ll have to see someone”).
Suggesting something is wrong with them, or that they need to be “fixed”.
Promising they will never have to talk about anything, or telling them what they must say.
Keeping it a secret, or disguising it as something else. Children usually work it out, and it can make them less trusting.

If your child is reluctant

It is completely normal for a child to feel unsure, shy or resistant at first. You do not need to talk them into it or make them feel excited. It is enough to stay calm, acknowledge the feeling (“it’s okay to feel nervous about something new”), and gently let them know you will be there.

Most children settle quickly once they see the room and realise there is no pressure. If your child is very anxious, let me know when you book. We can plan together how to make the first visit as gentle as possible.

After a session

Try not to ask lots of questions on the way home, or ask them to tell you what they talked about. Play therapy works partly because the room feels like theirs. A simple “Did you have a nice time?” is plenty. If they want to tell you more, they will.

I will keep in touch with you about how things are going, and we will talk regularly about your child’s progress, while still keeping the details of their play private so that the room stays safe for them.

This article is general information and isn't a substitute for professional advice. If you're worried about your child's safety, call 000 or Kids Helpline on 1800 55 1800.